Moving Back to University: Mental Health Update
Hello my little dreamers!
I hope you're all well. Today I fancied documenting a time in my life, where I've felt not one hundred percent well. Ever since moving to University, and living with people, I've felt anxiety like never before. This year is surprisingly worse than the last, so I thought it'd best be documented.
There are bad days, then there are good days, then of course there are the really bad days. These are the days I can't get out of bed until gone midday, the days where I'm scared to go pee in case I run into someone, the days where I feel like I don't have a voice.
I'm sure many of you know, I am someone who documents their life a lot on YouTube. Often I will sit in my room, and talk to myself. This I've found very difficult as living in a house with five other people, you don't know who's listening. It's a bit like stage fright, but much worse. I said in my next video, that the one thing I want to focus on is projecting my voice when I film.
This isn't just the case with YouTube, but sometimes I struggle to musk up the confidence to talk when calling my boyfriend. As we're long distance, we call every night, often with silly cute voices. So when I struggle to talk, because I'm scared someone can hear me, well, I not only upset myself but also my boyfriend.
Food is a massive part of my life. I love food. It's great, isn't it? However, days like this, when I'm scared to go pee, I'm also scared to cook. In the past I've often waited till people have gone out, or gone to bed to cook dinner. Meaning not only do I eat at irregular times, but I also don't get enough water to drink.
I've found drinking water really helps with my energy, so if I'm feeling down or tired, a massive glass of water will wake me right up.
So what now?
This year I want to work on many things. But most of all, I want to work on my confidence. Being able to get up, out of my bed and out of my room. Standing up to people when I know I'm not in the wrong. Not feeling scared to go pee, or cook food.
Little steps, but that's all it takes.
~ Ellen ~
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